In light of my recent lack in computer exposure, I figure you all deserve somethin' good. So here it is, humiliating momma moment #962.
In the beginning of my pregnancy I had some issues, the scary kind, so I had to go in to visit the doctor...a lot. Like 6 ultra sounds in the first 13 weeks a lot. Eeks. On one of these anxiety filled, unexpected, visits to the doctor I had to take my precious 3 year old boy, Dash Michael. Awesome. Just what I wanted, fear, feeling sick, AND to have Dash man there to watch (clearly a nightmare, but what can ya do? Again, another reason I swear I need an assistant ha ha). So we arrive, and I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this, but Dash is pure perfection. For reals people. I mean, he IS three years old, but the boy knows magically when (and more importantly) when NOT to act like it. So I knew he'd be good, (and he was for the most part). Anywho, we arrive and they immediately direct me to "leave a sample" aka wet in a cup. Well, problem numero uno, what do I do with the boy? I can't just ditch him in the waiting room, 1. leaving your small child unattended in public is frowned upon and 2. he'd never let me out of his sight in this sterile, quiet joint. So, in WE go. Again awesome. I go into the one seater bathroom right off of the waiting room/hallway. Typically I will go around to the back restroom because, from experience, I know anyone going by can hear everything! But, I just wanted to get it over with, and to tell the truth with all the other chaos the noise factor briefly slipped my mind. I tell Dash to go in the far end of the room and turn away, (ya right). He pretended to, but I could see his big eyes peering through his silly glasses. Ugh. I start to go, despite being in total denial this moment is even happening, and then I hear his little voice say, "Oh God MOM, you pee in a CUP?! ICK. Is THAT why we're here??!!" I want to die. "Shhhhhhhhhhhhh." is all I can muster to respond as I motion for him to turn back around and quickly remember that everyone can hear outside the door. Of course he doesn't turn around, and really, what am I going to do? (Now this part gets a little personal and what I would call graphic/mortifying, so if you can't take it, stop reading and let that first part be enough). Then he steps closer and squints at me (and my cup) with total disgust. And I catch his unwelcome wandering eyes float over to the "issue," the room stopped. (AGAIN, you have been warned, the "issue" was some bleeding/spotting I was having at the time, scary stuff). He looks at the "issue" and with the most sour look I have ever seen a little boy make, he loudly says in his most snarky tone, " MOOOM, SKID MARKS??!! Is THAT why we're here??!!" That was it, THAT was the moment I died, right then and there. I quickly shuffled to get myself decent while giving him a much needed twirl in the opposite direction. "Its NOT," I replied to him, as I looked for a hole that I could crawl into and die. Did I mention I could HEAR people walking by outside the door at this point?! Frick! "Well then what would you like to call thems?" he sharply asked. Knowing telling him the truth was not an option, I did what any good momma would do... I hung my head, washed my hands, and softly said, "ok, its gross, please just don't tell anyone." He smugly nodded as if to say, its ok mom, they get the best of us, and lead the way to the FULL waiting room outside the door. Good God.
And yes friends, I have no choice but to show my face there, over and over and over, for the next 900 months. Try not to be jealous.
