growing up as a only child, i really had to look out for no one but myself. its not that didn't care about those around me, i just never had to really consider much as far as what i could/would/should do for others around me. my parents were grownies, and of course had each other. my friends had their own parents or siblings. any pets i had were little and my momma was momma to them too, so, you get it.
then i grew up. and i began to see things a little differently. i didn't ever have to look after anyone, but now i see in return, no one was looking after me in that way. bummer. well its not exactly that bad. of course i have the best parents in the world, two of them. they would do anything for me and have loved me in a way that every person deserves to feel in their life, but its different. is this making sense?
last night i was listening to dash play in the baby's room. he was in there by himself, but by the intensity and animation of his voice, you would have never known he wasn't hosting a lecture to a crowd of at least fifty people. he was going on and on and on to the baby about how he was going to get her this, buy her that, take her here, and teach her all about life over there. he was calling her by name and was so comfortable with his words. i had to peek inside for a visual.
there he was, sitting there with the new holiday catalog that had come in the mail. he was circling the toys he wanted in blue marker and the ones for her in red (he did say to her at one point he was sorry it was not pink, but its ok, it just dark pink). he was pretending she was in her mommaroo seat and just sat there next to it going on and on about how great things were going to be.
everything inside me melted. i knew he would be great with her. but i had no idea exactly what adding her to his life would do. i worry about if i will have time for them both. how will i love another child the way i love him. will he resent me. will he resent her. will he forever look back on his years as an only child as the best of his life. will he tell me to send her back. ugh so much i will be bringing into his little life, that i myself have never, and will never, even experience or understand. but as it turns out these downer concerns aren't even remotely close to being on his mind.
i realized in that moment that in giving him a sister, he will forever have someone to consider. and so will she. they will grow up to have the other to think about. to worry about. to care for. and to love. they will never be alone and they when they reflect upon their lives they will always have a constant in their memories.
of course they will have their parents, friends and grandparents, they way we lucky do. but i finally realized that even though everyday will not be easy, it will be complete. they will have someone to love them when they need it most. someone to share with when they feel afraid. someone to genuinely want only the best for them. and that. makes every second of this little adventure more special than i even knew it could be.
thanks again dash for saving your overly worried momma from her own silly paranoia.
thank you for teaching me what the beauty of considering another is truly like for a sibling.
thank you for being brave enough to see past the fear and right into the meaning of it all.
and thank you for already loving your sister the way that you do.
