from one momma to another.

if you think about it, and i have tried, there is no one way to define being a momma that encompasses everything it is. its complicated in the most simple, abstract, unexplainable, obvious, individual, beautiful way. that's clear right? there are so many ways to define, label, and even actually be a momma, that i think i am not even going to try. instead, i think i'll just know what it means to me, and accept that my thought could very well make no sense to the next momma, or the next, or the next...you get it. 

what i do know, is that we are all in some sort of club. a club where we let each other be. we accept whatever "baby" it is we love and care for. we understand that there is no right and no wrong, even though there are countless loudmouths, know-it-alls, and expert opinions that will forever try to convince us otherwise. we respect each other for being vulnerable enough to take on the task. and, we accept that a mother's love is different for every child/pet/friend/parent/plant/whateveaaa one chooses to give it to. we all feel more having entered this club, than we ever could have imagined prior to actually being in it. we all have everything in common, even though nothing seems to ever be exactly the same.

after becoming a member of said club, my life changed. i became someone i had never been, in all the best ways. i no longer cared about some things, and all of the sudden could not stop caring about others, even if i tried. and what i treasured above all else about joining the momma's of the world...was that i would never feel alone again. with my son, it was just me. no daddy to share the little things with, no job to provide insurance with, no money to buy the necessities with. sounds pretty lonely, i know. but it wasn't. i had other momma's that were willing to share their babies outgrown clothes with me. i had other momma's in my birthing and prep classes to swap questions with. i had friends with littles to recommend the necessities and relieve my anxiety about my ability to even join the club. i had my own momma to show and remind me that i would survive this little episode we call birth. eeks. even when i was so alone, i wasn't, thanks to the momma's. and now, as i embark on my adventure with baby numero dos, having everything on my side and more blessings than any momma deserves, i still feel love and support from the momma's, but in many new and different ways. (in fact, a completely out of the blue clothing drop off from an old friend today is what inspired this blog. i cannot thank you enough annette for the amazing clothes or the inspiration, it truly meant the world!)

feeling so overwhelmed with this support, both then and now, i believed when i could i would have to pay it forward. it was the best anything i had ever been a part of. 

a month after my son was born, the doctors discovered a terrible infection that would require another surgery to re-open my entire c section incision. (details on that another time) and post operation i remember my doctor, a momma of two, insisting my baby be able to stay with me, in room, at all times. i remember the other doctors being so cold, and medical, and really just insensitive. and i remember my doctor insisting i have a bassinet brought down to my recovering floor hospital room, away from the maternity section *gasp*. i remember she insisted i have a pump to borrow, so i could continue to feed him after i had dumped all the meds following the surgery. i remember she insisted they enter the room quietly in the event my baby or i were sleeping. and i remember, she insisted, i as a fellow momma, was respected for being just that. a momma.

and that is when i no longer just believed or felt, but i knew i had to do something, something big. i was so lucky to have had momma's around me, and i have since felt an overwhelming sense that all momma's deserve the same. every momma deserves the understanding, support and unconditional love that only a momma can give.

thus began my brainchild... a (not yet named) non-profit organization for mother's to support other mother's. someday i will begin this endeavor to help ensure momma's have what they need both for themselves and for their babies, with no apologizes, no judgement, no explanations. i'd elaborate, but i simply can't won't. and that is exactly how i feel it should be organized. no one momma's request can be too outrageous, too outlandish, too simple, or too, well, anything. every momma is different and every momma deserves to be supported as such an individual.

i'd love to get all over this starting...yesterday, but i know i can't just yet. this is something so important to me, i refuse to start it without being able to give it all of me, and truth is right now, i have a few other things that need and deserve every ounce of me. its life. and its more than fair. but mark my words, i will do this in my life time. its too great, too important, too special to stay a dream. 

so until my day arrives, i will keep day dreaming, scheming, and planning as my mind happily drifts off before i go to sleep (or during meetings, or long car rides, or really great spa tubbies). i'll stick to writing, and rewriting, and tweaking, and writing again, all my different plans to make this my reality. i'll remember how lucky i have been as a momma. and i'll make sure every other momma i meet gets the chance to feel the exact. same. way.

wish me luck. oh and do me a favor, take just a few minutes to do something thoughtful for one of your favorite momma's today. 
she deserves it :-).