I really do like the idea of marriage and respect all that it stands for. However, I am quickly learning that there are soooo many "things" the books, my parents, reality television, Walt Disney, and even my closest friends did not prepare me for. It is work. Now don't get it twisted, by work I don't mean like dreading getting out of bed, watching the clock, blah, draining, type of work. What I mean is more like going the extra mile, wanting to understand those around you, investing in efforts, and never feeling ok with less than what you know things could be, type of work. To be honest, I am lucky, or maybe no so, to just now at this point in life learning that not everything in life just happens. Does that make sense? Up until this point I have really been able to lead by logic. Happenings made sense, which made me comfortable and therefore everything was very clear...simple.
Last November my husband (of one tiny month) was offered a job about 1 1/2 hours away at the Denver Post. Ok wait; this was not just a job for him. This is THE job; his dream job, his professional Mecca and it came knocking on his door at the ripe age of 26. Really? I mean who does that ever happen to?! My brilliant, wildly talented husband, that's who. A few months past this crazy turn of events we were informed by our appointed judge that Dash was bound to his stated custody agreement, in short, we can move, but the boy must stay and uphold the set legal visitation. (Obviously I am sugar coating and skating by this one, but the entire story is tooooo long and you get the idea). So now what? Seriously, WWJD?
I have no idea what Jesus would do, or my parents, or his parents, or famous people or wealthy people, or our friends, or neighbors. Ok, that is NOT true because I know exactly what all of these people would do...that was the problem. Everyone had an opinion on what THEY would do. And as we all know, when you're on the outside looking in, it’s all very easy to decipher another's problem. It was when my husband and I finally decided to sit down and really hear each other (ignoring all of the other noise) that we have been able to come to an agreement as to how we move forward. Work. HARD work.
I know this challenge will be around and it will forever be a work in progress, but I finally feel as if I can see why-o-why this has happened.
In this stressful process I have learned that I really love my husband and our life together. I have learned that I don't just want to face my days on the same team, but I really need to. I have learned that even though I can do life on my own, I really do not want to. Being so independent, I have never ever felt these feelings. The true understanding of WANT vs. NEED. I know it sounds bananas that 29.5 years into life I am just now learning how to love another more than myself (well another I did not give birth to, you get it). I am learning how to truly compromise. I am learning how serious and life changing consequences can be. I am learning that some can be better than none. I am learning to be one half of the only team I have ever wanted to be on. And, I am learning in ways I never imagined that the "work" required for a successful marriage is actually a privilege.
One day at a time we will move forward together and I could not be more grateful for this life with you...in good times and in bad, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part.
(and I can hear my husbands eyes rolling and know he is thinking, good Lord, this chaos may actually kill one of us. hahahaha. Trust me lover, it won't really. :-))
