as you know we had an ultrasound a few weeks ago. did i mention that when they were looking closely at my daughter's sweet little fat face, they pointed out a third nipple and that she actually has five teeth already??!!
ok stop. freeze for a moment and pay attention to what your face is doing right. this. second. as you sit there. my guess is that it is scrunched up in some sort of confused/disgusted/shocked/ruffled up frowny mess. your mouth is probably hanging open at least a little and your neck/shoulders/upper body parts have joined in the ick-pression too, by tightening up and leaning forward.
am i at least sort of right? i am.
this, my friends, is the look i seem to get every time my extremely large belly enters a room about 32 seconds before the rest of my body. seriously. the old, "ya got twins in 'dere, heh heh??" comments have even faded due to the clear fact that i am beyond just two babies in there. i am HUGE. but come on. how did you think a 5'3 (ish), 193 pound gal, sporting a grown woman under her shirt, was going to look? huh?
tight bodied and agile. uhhhh. no.
the funny thing is. besides the doofy looks from bozos round the world, i really do not mind. as my doctor put it last week. "this is just how you do it linda. ya grow 'em big."
do i ever.
what is strange is that my weight gain this time is exactly the same as it was with dash at this point, numerically speaking. beyond that. could not be more different. with dash i started 10-15 lbs lighter, so i did actually gain more by this point, but the weigh in amounts...identical. bizarre. and the gaining process with him was like a glutton fest. a very happy, pleasurable, indulgent glutton fest. it was the stuff dieting sorority girls only dream of. theeee best. i would feast on taco johns once, sometimes twice a day. yes daily. little debbie and i were practically sisters, sharing secrets and giggles after every meal. and i was totally fine replacing all of my h20 consumption with coke. real coke. from an ice cold can. god it was so good. and this was just my usual menu. oh and every so often, inner-fat-girl would come out and encourage a trip to dairy queen or krispie kreme, just for a little variety. i never felt sick, and every morning when i got on the scale i knew exactly why the digits were going up. and up. and up. but of course, i didn't care.
needless to say as i entered this journey with baby numero dos, i swore i would do different. and i have. but to no reward on the scale mind you. homegirl hates treats. not all. but most. my daily menu has looked like this for as long as i can remember:
breakfast: frosted mini wheats and waffle with peanut butter (vitamin)
snack: greek yogurt with walnuts
lunch: veggies and protein
snack: cheese stick and crackers. chai frap (my one perk)
dinner: veggies and protein
snack: corn pops cereal
no joke. its the most predictable, regular thing in my life. day in. day out. oh and if i skimp even the tiniest bit on water. ugh. feel awful. its not fun, sexy or even enjoyable. in fact i actually hate 85% of these foods that have managed to somewhat control the nausea, ickness, etc. oh wait, and i also have a york peppermint patty after each meal. i joke it is like my medicine. i have no idea why, but seems to make everything just sit better. super lame. and yes folks. exact. same weight gain. only this time rather that the scale going up, up, up. it even has its own little system of demand. i will gain 1-2 lbs over a two week span, then 6-9lbs over next two weeks. 1-2 lbs over two weeks, then 6-9. eating the same bleach menu and the same blech time every dern day. its bananas.
so now the science project is complete. i know that if/when i have a baby, i will be huge. one way or another. i know it is just my body's way of making the perfect little human. and i know it is not forever. i know to trust its plan of action and i know it is all par for the course. now if i could just create some PSA or great t shirt to explain to all of those bozos giving the sour looks... :-).
remember this day when i was this big and thought i was "showing"...
fool. someone should have slapped me. hard.
and for your viewing pleasure...
(only because i know someday we'll all look back at these and gasp with shock and disbelief. right?)
here's to baby weight!
