i have made it no secret that this pregnancy has been, um, challenging. but for the first time in 32weeks, things have changed. there has been a twist in the game. a good one. i have to give credit where credit is due and share that this little baby has been sooooo good lately. i have no idea what the difference is. maybe its just my body finally adjusting. maybe its me finding some peace and calming down. maybe its her finding a way to cozy in and just relax in my big ole belly. it really doesn't matter. i am just so thankful that finally this little lady and i have found our niche.
after all these months i feel like i finally know my baby girl. i know that she takes naps for 30-40 minutes at a time until 9pm when she begins her wild rhompus. i know that at night, she sleeps best when i surround my big belly with fluffy, comfy blankets. She loves to snuggle into them from the inside out. and i know she loves red velvet cake ice cream. home girl literally flips for it. and who can blame her?
i have no idea why so late in this baby growin' game, we are finally in sync, but i don't care. i am more excited than ever to meet our sweet girl and share life with her. i no longer daydream about not having nausea, or tying my own shoes, or sitting on the floor to play with dash, or all of the other things i can't do right now. i now spend my days daydreaming about holding her, about painting our tootsies hot pink together, and about watching embarrassing girl movies while eating great snacks i've snuck into the show in my big momma purse. i no longer automatically wonder how the crap i am going to handle a teenage daughter. and now feel giddy about the idea of spending entire days at the mall together and then going home to have a fashion show for daddy and dash.
i have started to thank this baby girl everyday for just being her. for being patient and for giving me time. i have questioned for so long why god would have taken our last baby too soon when our personal life was at an all time high and filled with bliss. and then months later, blessed us with this baby when just about everything in our lives way in complete chaos. i get it now. this is actually the best time. this baby has been our perspective. she has been our common ground and our priority. she has reminded all of us how special life is when we have been swallowed in self indulgent junk. she has been our glue. she has taught us to slow down. she has saved us from ourselves. simply by existing.
the other day aaron and i were texting and i cannot remember what exactly i sent to him about the baby, but his reply read, "she loves you." i melted. i read it over and over. i felt that new momma joy i'd been craving. i finally believed with all my heart in that very moment. he is right.
she loves me.
and i love her.
see you soon sweet baby o.
