my secret.

recently i was asked, what my "secret to being the momma i am", is. i'm going to let myself go ahead and believe for self-esteem sake, that is meaning at least "decent", rather than frightening or horrific. :-).


 hmmmmm. my secret? this got me thinking about what is most important to me as a momma, what are my personal go-to rules? my mind came up with a little list (figures, i am totally type A) that went somthin' like this... 

show up.

always always always. show up. plays, school lunches, mall parking lots, recitals, graduations, birthdays. just be there. and when you are there, really be there. only there. 

introduce them to little me.

i too was once a, we'll say, handful. ok i still am. anywho, let them know. i know why they do what they do. i get it. i too, once did it myself. that does not mean i will always let it fly. i will tell them stories, and show them photos, and take them places, so they can know all of me, the way i am so blessed to know all of them.

Teach them to be independent. 

i will show them by example that a woman can be strong. i will help them to find and follow their own passions. to search for outlets of expression and enjoyment for yourself. just you. to define yourself by your own attributes, not by what others expect you to be. i will teach them to know who they are as a person, and not ever let anyone make them think that's not enough.

Give them good role models.

and i will be one of them. i will work to help them see and know through others that they can do or be anything.

Believe in them. 

and in the moments that they do not believe in themselves, i will believe enough for both of them. 

tell them how beautiful they are. 

whether first thing the morning. after a new haircut. covered in dirt. fresh from the tubby. old. young. i will always reassure them. i will remind them. often. 

read to them.

as much as i can. it will grow a big brain...and a big imagination.

teach them how to love.

i will love them passionately. i will love their family passionately. and  i will show it with no restraint. no strings. no expectations. they will love like i love or hate like i hate. so, i will choose love for both me, and them.

share secrets together. 

communicate. talk. talk about anything and everything. i will listen. i will ask questions. i will share hopes and dreams. they are not only my children, they are my favorite friends too.

teach them manners. 

because sometimes i have to be the mom, not just the friend. the world is a happier place when made up of polite words and kind people.

teach them when to stand-up. and when to walk away. 

whether he has classmates who tease him because of his glasses, or a boyfriend who tells her she is too bossy, let them know they do not have to listen. make certain they demand respect. they are worthy of it. teach them the value of silence and remind them some people can be mean because of their personal reasons. help them to understand when to say when.

mother them openly. 

being their mother is undeniably one of my greatest accomplishments. share the joys of motherhood, so one day they will want to be a parent too. remind them over and over again, in every way possible, that no one will ever love them like a parent loves them. its different and its special. 

comfort them. 

because sometimes you just need your mommy. when they are sick, hold just a little bit tighter, no matter how old they are.  someday, when they are grown with families of their own, an attempt of comfort may be made...and if they whisper back "i want my mommy." i want them know, i'm still here.

and when all else fails...

just love them.

none of this is really a secret, and truth is, we all have to be whatever momma suits us and our family best. but, sometimes in the hustle bustle of the day to day it can all be easy for me to even forget the little things that i hold so dear. 

 so thanks for asking. truth is as it turns out, i needed a refresher on my own "secrets" too.

:-)