it could always be worse...right?

if I were going to describe my life as a "journey" I suppose I would say the first 25 years were spent leisurely jogging on smooth pavement. Sure, every so often there would be a crack in the road, some things would make me want to speed up and some to slow down, but overall an enjoyable jog. Then it seems like I hit some sand, not the really great soft clean kind, but more the mossy, heavy muddy kind that can be great, unless you are trying to run through it...and at that time I was doing my best to run like hell. Before I knew it, everything changed and the "sand" was quicksand. I was sinking. But, during this I continued to keep moving forward, and before I knew it, I felt that uncomfortable sand return, only this time I appreciated it in a very different way that I ever knew I would be able to. Time passed, my perspective on everything changed and I began to feel that I had reached that great, warm, Hawaiian beach soft sand. Still tricky to run in, but in a good, work-harder-for-every-step kind of way. 
I now find myself at a fork in the road. Not one of those mysterious, interesting kinds, where one way is bright and welcoming and obvious path competing for attention with the foggy, dark one. This fork in my "journey" is confusing and abrupt and seems to be closed be a toll booth/gate. (Yes, I said that. Just keep reading, you may soon be able to relate...or you won't, either way.) As I look around I see directly in front of me one of those stupid yellow signs with an arrow pointing two opposite directions. Peering down each direction,things seem to  look ok, neither blaringly awful or frightening. I feel that at this point in my life I am ready to make the choice, I know what I want, I know where I believe I should turn (where the warm sand will continue so-to-speak). But just when I buck-up and venture that way I look into the toll booth and in it sits the mistakes of my past. Consequences for choices of other "forks" I have met in this journey, are holding down the gate and forbidding the green light. 
What do you do? Negotiate with the beast in the booth? Try to sneak under the gate? Just stand there and feel like I created this, therefore I deserve this? Oofta, its tough.
In my heart of hearts, I know today, and where I go, are not always going to be for me to decide. I believe that what is meant to be will work itself out and happen. However in the mean time as I stand here...waiting... I just wish I understood more why this is all happening, a part of me wishes I was still venerable and carefree enough to not know/wait for it to be in that place where I look back and realize how it all makes sense now, I wish it could just be simple.
As I continue my jog, I force myself to remember the sand below me is amazing, everything that is REALLY important is perfect, and I can think of a million ways that it could be way worse...