i debated even mentioning this. i'm really trying to pretend it didn't even happen. mostly because when i did think about it my eye started twitching, i didn't sleep and i had two crazy nausea spells, induced by the anxiety. but it did happen. and ignoring isn't helping.
the colorado shooting has been covered, discussed, and mentioned every where you look. my heart breaks for everyone involved in that sick mess. everyone. of course for the friends and families of those in the theater. of those who lost their lives. of those who must continue to live after that moment. of those who were in the other theater. or working at the theater. or thinking about going to that movie, but for whatever reason, did not. for the media who has to cover such fresh, intense moments so we at home can be aware. for the family members of the shooter who are forever tagged and judged by association. for the police and rescue teams who faced the aftermath. the other tenants in the apartment where the shooter lived. for everyone.
for me, this event hit all too close to home. it made me afraid. like really afraid. i have an issue with fear. i can hide it well, at least i think i can. i am sure some would disagree, but i try. and this incident made me feel real, anxiety inducing fear.
i cannot stop thinking about the couple who was in the theater with their 4 month old. if they were thinking, well we are up, why not? if they got up and dressed after months of putting off dates, and adult time, and showers. i've been there. and i've entertained the idea of doing something just like that. after all, the movies should be safe. i'm certain they had the most appropriate, clear, best, innocent intentions to just go out and enjoy the time away from that newborn vortex.
and when i even begin to think about that 6 year old. i'm tearing up now just writing it. when i think about how cool a late late late night out to the big batman movie must have been. how much joy a yummy dinner following a full day of talk and anticipation must have been involved.when i think about that little person in the line before, stocking up on popcorn and candy, and how special and exciting it must have felt. i think about my own little person who was with his dad. doing the exact same thing. the exact same weekend.
everyday is a blessing and every room is filled with heroes. i want to let this be a reminder of that. that i have no idea what is coming, but that i will not be alone. that god has plans, and how very important it is to have an awareness to the blessings, lessons, moments, and happenings. to be kind. to be a light. and even when i am really really afraid, keep living. because i should and i can.
